I am so many things I don’t want to be.
I am broke.
I am stuck.
I am dead-end.
I am bored.
I am doing
And I don’t think I have what I need to escape this version of myself. I don’t know who I am right now.
I don’t know anymore what excites me.
I don’t know anymore what stops me.
I am paralyzed by the fear that if I don’t find it right now, then I will slowly fade. Whatever makes me who I am will get locked up, and the key will be thrown away.
I am immensely jealous of the people going after what they know to be who they are.
I always said I’d always be on the right track, at least.
But I’m not.
I am lost.
And for the first time in my life, I feel I am without hope.
No, not that my life is without hope.
Not that all is lost.
But that I don’t know exactly what’s supposed to come anymore.
I don’t know where I’m going. Or if I’m going. Or if I’m supposed to be going somewhere. Or if I am even looking in the right direction.
I am wandering the wilderness in total darkness.
But a light shines still. And the darkness cannot understand it. The darkness cannot be overcome by it. The darkness can never extinguish it.
Oh, North Star, the Son of the night. The everlasting Light.
Oh, Light that shines above and within me, please guide me.
(I am Light.
I am All.
I am Enough.)
And I am Yours. And You are mine.
Oh, Light that shines above and within me, please live in me. Shine through me. Please see me.
And please show me.
Darkness is not dark to You. Lostness is not lost to You. Broke-ness is not broke to You. Hopelessness is not hopeless to You.
I am not these things I don’t want to be to You.
I am light to You.
I am all to You.
I am enough to You.